Zeki

I miss Zeki. Very very much.

Busy much with exams. Sighs!

Stab stab stab

I think I have a sadistic mind. I always imagine myself laughing while stabbing someone in the back several times and enjoying the splashes of blood everywhere.

Sometimes, my whole body went shaky with anticipation.

The feeling should scare me. It does but I also feel gleeful.

Rise Up

I feel grounded. I know I am grounded.

I feel trapped, with no where to look but forward.

What if I want to look sideways?

What if I want to stray?

What if, I want to grab everything at once, be greedy and enjoy it?

The future seem dark to me yet it is supposed to be bright.

The past remains past yet now seemed eternal.

What if I want something else?

What if I want more?

What if, inside, I'm screaming to be let out, to run wild and free?

What if, now is not perfect?

I'm always thirsty and no matter how many gallons of water I drank, I am still thirsty.

What if I don't want water?

What if I don't want water now, but saving water for later?

What if I want coffee now?

Why do I feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of a perfectly good box where there's you?

I want to lay down, on a beach in Bali where the sunlight hits my face and the waves lulls me to sleep.

I want to drink a cup of cappuccino at a sidewalk cafe in Italy, with fresh bread before me and the beautiful language surrounds me.

I want to watch the scene full of raw sexuality, untapped desires all masked under the clothes of sophistication and elegance in France.

I want to sing along to my favourite song by my favourite band in a concert along with thousands of other fans in the US.

I want to eat the best salmon, grilled, smoked or raw.

The things I want, the things I need.

- My dream is to fly over the rainbow so high.

ah?

Before I felt as if the world was moving without me. Like I was stuck, dead end and I often felt like I need to not be stuck.

I saw myself sitting there, eating chocolates and drinking coke, being so oblivious to all.

Everybody else have gone and got themselves organized. Not me.

Everybody else have gone and got themselves lifes!

Then there's me. Again. With my chocolate. Don't get me wrong, I am not 100% ignorant. I thought of it. Of how others tend to succeed more and seemed to be doing it with little effort while I, struggled as I might, panted and cried in the second place.

So, genius me, I asked my best friend, Google, on this phenomena.

What I found is that I don't put myself in my OWN priority list (ahhh, don't think that picture which I took and edit was useless)

So there you go, those who feel as ... unsuccessful in life as me, that's what my friend, Google told me. That I don't seem to place myself at the top of my priorities.

Well since I know, the sensible thing to do now is set my priorities straight, right? Yep.

Now, I'm sitting here, hot Milo on my right and a delicious guilt-free chocolate on my left, and me, smiling. And I am so up in my priority list right now, you can't believe! Yeap, according to my list, priority No.1 is me and today, I feel like just lazying around, talking nonsense about priority.

You know why? I just like that picture up there and needed an excuse to post it.

Toodles!

Baby you~

Look who came to visit!

I miss Baby Alwan already! He's so cute! And he jabbers so funnily and laughs while talking in baby talk. So adorable!

9

Nine months and counting... I love you, you lame-o. Hehe

And yes, I took your picture.



Upper right corner; 'saya cinta padamu'

Spammy

Gmail

Hotmail

I think, I like my Gmail spams better. At least they are more concerned about my career.

The other is just trying to sell me stuffs I don't need.

And they didn't even get my gender correct. Sighs.

cicak love

Today, Aimi told us a story of when she was driving, she saw a mosquito in the car. Instinctively, she slapped the mosquito and saw that there were actually two of them. She said she felt guilty because she believed they were mating when she slapped them dead.

Izaa then said it reminded her of this commercial.

And this commercial made me feel awww :(

Kenapa kamu takut cicak? They're not bad. They are capable of love~

He said, she said

I miss baking, I really do. I wish I have unlimited amount of money that I can use and buy baking stuffs but I just don't. Plus the passion for it seems to be diminishing. I also miss drawing.




Today I went out with some of the girls to McD after class and we talked a whole lot especially about people. I love it. I realised then of how much I miss hanging out with them, with the whole TESLians. I guess it is inevitable, the drama and the incompatability that separates the group.

And I miss sushi!

Ps/ I'm so happy for the full marks I got for the website presentation even if it looked...wacked. :D